Cas' Departure
by helgashouse
Summary: What happens after Dean tells Cas he has to leave. s9e3
1. The Talk

Cas stared at Dean. Had he really just asked him to go, to leave, and without any explanation? He couldn't comprehend it. Why was this happening? Why now? All the time he had left when Dean wanted him to stay so badly. Finally he was happy to stop running, to live in the bunker, be part of this small family, and he was being turned away.

Cas stood up slowly, he hadn't said anything yet, he was scared to, scared of what he might hear. Did Dean not want him? Was it because he was no longer an angel? He thought Dean liked that he was human, or did he not want to say anything in front of Sam? Why would that matter? All these questions and Cas just kept on staring, before finally asking, "Why?"

Dean sighed. Why did Ezekiel have to do this, wasn't Cas his brother after all? The bunker was safe, they could get by without Cas finding out about him. As long as everyone stuck together they would be okay. Dean looked at Cas, who hadn't stopped staring at him. He had just asked a question, and was waiting for an answer. There was desperation in his eyes, wishing for it all to be a misunderstanding, but it wasn't and Dean had to answer.

"You just can't Cas. I'm sorry, but if you stay here then we're all in trouble. And anyway, you're just discovering what it's like to be human, don't you want to go and find out more for yourself, by living?" Dean looked into Cas' eyes pleadingly. "You'll be ok Cas, you can look after yourself."

Cas was in shock, "I can't look after myself Dean, I tried, and I died. I failed, miserably. Is that what you want? Do you want me to die? Again?" He was looking ferocious now.

"Of course not Cas, but you can't stay here. I'm sorry you don't understand. And anyway, It's not like I'm gonna leave you completely, we can still speak, keep an eye out for each other. I'll tell you how to get some money so that you don't starve. Maybe you'll even find a job. You even said yourself, that the angels can't track you now, and everyone thinks that we're still looking for you, so following us will get them know where, 'cause we won't be. Don't you get it Cas, it's just the way it has to be, for all our sakes."

Castiel turned and walked away, he didn't bother asking any more questions. He was tired. Tired from running, but more so, tired from fighting. He thought Dean was his friend, the one that always believed in him, no matter what. Dean always managed to fix things eventually. Did this mean that Dean thought him a lost cause? Was there no hope for him?

He reached the door. He wanted to turn round, but knew that it would be too painful to say goodbye. So he opened the door, stepped outside, felt the breeze on his face. He had no where to go.


	2. Thoughts

Cas looked at the cell phone he'd picked up. In a moment of weakness he had left Dean a message with the phone number. He already had a number of messages from him. Asking where he was, how he was planning on making money. Cas wanted to reply, he did; but he couldn't do it, not after Dean had just chucked him out like that. He was mad at Dean, confused, betrayed. He was on his own, even if Dean was trying to help, it didn't make any difference; right now. He didn't want Dean's help.

After leaving the bunker, Cas had started walking. He walked so far, days passed, and his mind was a blur. Eventually he had come across an old warehouse, and he finally settled down to sleep with the other twenty, or so people there who didn't have homes either. No where to sleep, no one who cared enough about them to help, to give them a warm bed, and some hope. Cas felt alone.

He now listened again to the messages Dean had left. He wondered what was happening at the bunker. Was Dean even there, or was he away on a job? Again, so many questions. Why was he always confused? Why did he always have so many doubts? Why can't he be happy for once?

Dean sat down at the table with Sam. He'd had a distressful day the day before: lying to Sam about Ezekiel, watching Charlie die, and then leave; he'd hardly had any time to stop and think about Cas. He'd made up for it today though, leaving him various messages, asking him where he was. He was shocked to hear Cas' message telling him his cell number, but then felt only relief, knowing that Cas' was alright, knowing that he must have found civilisation, because he'd purchased a cell phone. He could only hope now that he had somewhere to go.

He was getting worried though, Cas wasn't answering him. The relief that he had felt was slowly disappearing, the longer Cas went without replying. What if he was sleeping on the streets? What if an angel or reaper found him? Or anyone for that matter, humans could be pretty evil, and although Cas was a fairly good fighter, Dean knew he wasn't used to not having his angel powers. He was scared.

Sam had stopped talking, and was looking at Dean.

"Sorry Sammy, I wasn't paying attention." Dean glanced between Sam and the table.

"I asked what's wrong. What's bothering you?" Sam had that look on his face: The 'I think we should talk' face. Dean however had no intention of letting Sam know what he was feeling about Cas. It would start him asking too may questions that he wouldn't be able to answer; and anyway, he wasn't the sort of person that needed to talk about his feelings.

"Nothing Sammy, just thinking about Charlie, what she's up to now", he had one of those small smiles on his face, the one he obtained whenever he was hiding something, luckily Sam didn't notice this.

"Yeah, she's finally got what she's always wanted, magic in her life. Lets' just hope she comes back and tells us all about it. Don't worry about her Dean, she'll be fine, she's smart, more that smart, she's a frickin' genius! And she's got Dorothy with her, they're a good team."

Dean knew he was trying to be reassuring, and gave him a smile back. He was worried about Charlie, but at least she wasn't alone, not like Cas. Cas was all alone; he was a species he hardly understood. There was still so much he would have to learn before he would be able to take care of himself completely on his own. Dean had offered to help him, but was now afraid that he'd scared him away. He didn't know what to do, he was annoyed that Cas wouldn't accept his help, and angry at Ezekiel for making him leave in the first place.

Cas and Dean were both lost. Unsure what to do; but they both had to get on with life until Dean could explain what was happening with Ezekiel, or Cas could bring himself to accept Deans help.


	3. Silence betweenThree

Sam had been watching Dean closely over the last few days. He knew something was up, and had tried to talk to him, but Sam knew that if he didn't want to talk about it, then he wouldn't. That was the problem with his brother, he was too stubborn.

It was obvious that he was worrying about Cas, because he hadn't mentioned him in days. It did seem a little strange though that Dean didn't seem to want to track down the angles though. Surely that would help them all? He had thought about calling Cas to see if he was ok, but thought he'd leave Dean to it, seeing as they (according to Cas) had a more "profound bond" than he and Cas did.

Dean stared at his phone. Would he ever call back? How will he know he's ok? Cas had done this to him before, but then he was an angel, now he was human and defenceless. Dean felt guilty for telling Cas to leave, although he'd had no choice. What if Cas hadn't forgiven him? What if he never would? What if he never saw Cas again? Then what would he do?

Dean spent the rest of his day moping about the bunker thinking of things he could say to Cas to make him come back. Sam kept giving him strange looks and it was starting to get on his nerves, but Dean knew that if asked Sam to stop, then he would start asking questions again. He'd been trying to figure out how to track angels, and Dean knew that if he did, then he'd find out about Zeke. Crap! Now he was worried about Sam too!

Cas woke up with a start. He was cold. Warehouses clearly weren't meant to be slept in. He'd been having nightmares, waking at random times during the night, afraid that one of the angles had tracked him down, afraid that they were going to torture him, kill him, so that he could never see Dean again.

Cas started thinking about accepting Dean's help. If only Dean would explain to him why he'd had to leave, then he'd be fine with being away, but banishing him with no reason just wasn't fair. He knew he had made mistakes in that past, but hadn't Sam also; and he had been allowed to stay. He knew that it was different because they were brothers, they were family; but hadn't Dean once said that Cas was family too? What made his mistakes any worse than Sam's? They'd both done thing that almost destroyed the world.

Cas was tired of being confused and upset, he decided that either he would call Dean and ask him for help, or he would just forget about him and move on with his life. He would find work, maybe somewhere to live, someone to live with, and then he would be happy. Only problem with that choice is could he really be happy without Dean?


End file.
